1. Don't Stockpile Anger: Deal with whatever is bothering you in the moment. Stored resentments destroy romance in two ways: 1) they cut off positive feelings; and 2) they eventually explode in words or actions that destroy the relationship. No relationship, no romance.
2. Play Together: Sharing fun times builds intimacy, the soil for romance. Make a snowman. Have a pillow fight. Play together like you did when you were young.
3. Grow Together: Trees grow until they die, so why shouldn't people. If either of you stop growing, the relationship will feel stuck in a rut. A relationship in a rut means no romance. To break out of the rut, and rekindle romance, start growing together. For example, take a course on a subject that interests you both.
4. Make a Date: A fun way to keep romance alive is to recreate one of your first dates. Dress the same as you did way back when, visit the same restaurant. Doing so will resurrect the old feelings of excitement.
5. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane: Travel together to a spot you visited when you were lovers. If you can't get there in person, then look at the photos of one of your early trips. Remember the smells, sights and sounds. Recall how you felt back then. Recreate a special moment from that trip, right in your own livingroom.
6. Take Initiative: An excellent way to rebuild and maintain romance is to take initiative. Do something for your mate that you know he or she likes (like, a candlelit massage. Or prepare a favorite dish). The point is: taking initiative, conveys your love, boosts intimacy and sparks romance.
7. Keep Listening: If you have been together for a while, you may assume that you know everything about your partner. Many long-term couples stop asking what the other partner needs, thinks or feels; this pattern leads to feelings of neglect--a major romance killer. Never assume that you know what your mate thinks, feels or wants, no matter how long you've been together. Keep asking and keep listening in order to keep romance alive.
8. Keep Sex on the Front Burner: Many couples that have been together for a while, cut back on sex. Research says that unresolved anger kills sex drive. Follow step one (don't stockpile anger) and keep on trucking in the sex department. Make sex dates, try new positions and locations. Do whatever you know turns your mate on. Good sex boosts romantic feelings.
9. Say I Love You: If you remember to say "I love you" (or other caring statements) five times a day, romance will stay. Remember five times a day and the romance will stay.
10. Isn't It Romantic?: Never assume that you know what your mate finds romantic. For one spouse, watching a football game, clutching a beer, is the height of romance. For the other, this scenario might be the height of boring. So, make sure you find out, what rings your mate's chimes. Then, don't file the information away, like an old research project. Put your information into practice and say and do what your mate finds romantic. romantic.
Reprinted with permission from:
Dr. Jamie Turndorf (a.k.a. Dr. Love), bestselling author of Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), internationally famous couples therapist, and advice columnist read by millions throughout the world. You may have read her Dr. Love Guides in newspapers world-wide, seen her on television or heard her on the hot NYC radio show "Women for Women."
© 1995-2001 Dr. Jamie Turndorf
All rights reserved.
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